Sometimes i feel like we are all marionettes.. being controlled by our manipulator.. who watches from above as he twists and turns the strings.. prompting us to carry out the actions commanded.. as he acquires self fulfilling satisfaction.. from the innocent naive minions..
Sometimes i feel like our whole life has been written out for us, and we like characters in a book go on walking in the path that has already been carved for us.. like water filling a shaped glass.. it fills all space perfectly.. as it is supposed to..
Sometimes i just feel like whatever we do or say, is something we have been designed to do or say at that particular moment.. like an actor of a play.. each with his own words to recite...
Things happen in our lives.. whether it is against our wills or otherwise.. things happen.. and the cliche goes "things happen for a reason." But must all happenings be reasonable? logical? sensible? No. i dont think so.
Changes happen.. catches you off guard.. leaving you handicapped at times when you dont expect change to come.. again.. the manipulator dominates the marionette..
I was an independent, strong, sensible, close to mature young girl. Finally getting over myself, put a stop to wallowing in self pity for a love lost and standing right up on my two feet once again. Stronger than ever. I bult a shield around my self. To protect me from the pain, the hurt, the emotions that were all to hard for me to feel again.. I was so strong..
You came.. and changed me like a candle being blown out.. so quickly i didnt realise it happening to me until it was too late.. you embraced my differences and made me feel comfortable in my skin.. like i did matter.. and my existence had an impact.. Never.. never have i felt this way, i lie not.. In the beginning it was merely platonic.. exchanging notes on many things that we seemed to be parallel to.. Then slowly the anticipation of hearing from you and being near you grew more and more without me realising.. Hit me like a train.. Like a slap on my face.. i broke all the vows i made before.. with this newfound enigma..
To say it was meant to be would be cheesy.. and also quite impossible.. we were a coincidence..
You took me in and filled out my flaws, like the last shard of broken glass from a mirror to complete it... i could see my self in a away i should have always.. i learnt how to love and accept.. understand and tolerate.. let go and hold on..
Strange foreign feelings of being taken care of, being loved, being held, and being showered with passionate compassion was all to new for me.. it was overwhelming.. everyday was the same,, if not better.. Some people say that the famous "spark" and "fireworks" dont exist.. well i guess they just havent found themselves the complementary half just yet then..
I have.. felt it.. i feel it.. all it takes is one look into those eyes.. one stroke upon bare skin.. one word of whispered speech.. one breath of that familiar scent.. and i feel my system shutting down.. the adrenaline rush never fades away.. and the butterflies never die..
Having him everyday to myself.. never letting me feel alone.. ensuring i will never feel insecure and that i am always out of harm's way.. a simple "i need you".. and he is there for me..
Almost a year has gone by and i sit here thinking to myself what a changed person i have become.. from strong to fragile.. sensible to completely senseless.. independent to clingy.. i dont know what to do.. i feel so lost...
So used to the fact that you are always there.. i am afraid of what i will be when you are not.. i know you will be there with me every step of the way.. but it wont be the same.. i will wait for you as you will for me.. but i can feel it in me.. the emptiness i am going to anticipate.. with your absence.. i dont really know what life here is like.. because i see things differently with you.. im afraid that once you leave for another place.. i'll realise that this place is shite..
You have made me so dependent on you.. and now.. i face the reality of waking up from this rTeverie..
i am afraid.. of playing the sad marionette of the cunning manipulator..
Tell me that it'll be ok.. that it's destiny..
Destiny is the one thing i hope does not fail me..
A marionette shall play her part as crafted by her manipulator and does the actress by her director..
It is a gamble that we all sometimes indulge in.. so throw the dice and keep your fingers crossed..
