Missing Barney :'(

yes..

i know..

he's purple..

he's a dinosaur..

a t-rex to be precise..

the kids on the show are creepy..

he sounds like a water balloon on high..

he sings funny songs with super weird words..

he loves the whole world and cason said he's extinct..

but..

this dude..

the one up there...

kinda lighted up my life..

i mean i grew up with barney..

how can one just dismiss such a huge..

literally huge huge part of ones childhood..

ask anyone on the street and i bet they know..

the lyrics to my favourite song at the end of the show...

it goes like this..

i love you
you love me
we're a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too!

i love you
you love me
we're best friends as friends should be
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too!

ALL TOGETHER NOW!

i love barney.. and i miss singing along.. i wanna lifesize barney plushy.. please?

XoXo

Lost.....

got a text from wendy.. well she's been accepted to some uni in perth.. everyone around me one by one are going places.. leaving the old nest.. spreading their wings.. embarking on the next part of life.. im afraid.. insecure.. lost.. confused.. somewhat helpless.. clueless.. useless.. i dunno what i want to do.. and im not sure how to.. i've been looking so many things up on the net.. but im still not sure.. am i doing it just for the sake of not being left behind or do i really want this? in this whole 5 years of secondary life i just assumed that i would know what i wanted when the time came.. thats what everyone told me.. and i believed that.. honestly.. here i am.. typing frantically about not knowing what to do.. to say that im just lazing around is not completely true.. im doing my research and all.. but it all seems so pointless.. what use is it all if i have no actual direction or target to begin with?

im afraid.. because my excuse now is that im waiting for my SPM results.. but then again.. i dont think i did quite a good job there either.. im even afraid for english dammit.. seriously.. you know.. being idle and not doing anything kinda gives you a lot of free thinking time.. and i cant even count the number of times i've broken down in the midst of all this thinking.. tears aint gonna change nothing.. but it helps anyway.. i know that mom and dad are having rather high hopes on what im going to get.. hopefully i get to score.. i need to.. but i dont think it's gonna happen.. i mean.. the agony is eating me up alive.. i wanna say "lets get it over and done with" but i dont.. i wish we could just take the exam and not repeat it.. i know i wont hear the end of it if i flunk big time.. :'(

help......

X0X0

tears tears..

The Worst Thing..

You know.. i've been living around for 17 years.. and i guess with each and every passing day i begin to realise that the things are just not what they appear to be.. a painted canvas may just look like a painted canvas.. but when the layers of paint are peeled away, only then is the real truth revealed..

I think after seeing what happens around me.. reading about it.. experiencing it on my own and everything else put together.. you just cant help but not fully trust someone just like that.. not completely.. no matter how close they are to you.. because deep down, or even right up at the surface, insecurities overcome you.. i mean.. trusting someone is really easy.. and once the trust is broken.. you have nothing left you know.. how many times have you heard someone say.. ~TRUST ME~ and then at the end of the day, you wake up and find out that the whole "trust me" was a pretty little charade..

A woman's heart is fragile and delicate.. though some may be jaded on the outside to put up a show of bravery, courage and independence.. but a woman is.. still a woman. behind the many masks that she has to disguise the feminine emotional weakness..

i don understand how men take these things so damn lightly.. infidelity, affairs, adultery..etc,etc,etc.. it's almost as easy as breathing.. most of them have these phrases to weasel themselves out..

1. oh, don't you trust me anymore?

2. how can you even think that way?

3. who would you rather believe, me or someone else?

4. it didn't mean anything

5. i love you and i wont do it again

6. it's not what you think

7. i admit i was wrong but it'll never happen again

and the list goes on and on.. sure.. words are all that one can do.. to make it all ok again.. but will it? can it? can it all go back to normal again, as if it had never happened in the first place? dont get me wrong dear whoever thats reading this slightly demented post.. im not saying that all men are likewise.. but quite a handful of them are.. there are good ones out there.. i think.. im not to sure.. im just looking at these things from an outsiders perspective.. as a friend, or sister, or daughter, or anyone.. one can only comfort.. lend soothing words and support to ease this bleeding heart.. but can you imagine what it's like? to be the one who discovers the lipstick on the collar.. or the floral scent that laced the backseat of the car.. or the constant phone calls and sudden change in attitude.. i guess i've done my research pretty well huh?

i'm just saying..

aiyooooooooooooo...

i've been cooped up in the house for so long that i never really required to get into my nice nice clothes.. i've been living a pretty overly content life by just staying n my oversized, inelastic, ripped and baggy t-shirts that do not relly exhibit ones womanly curves.. and then comes the weekend.. and we decide..

~ok, let's go out...............~

so i go over to my clothes and pick a shirt.. and i pull it on.. fits me just fine.. TILLL.. i turn sideways.. holly shit i look like im in my third trimester of pregnancy.. sigh.. i have officially developed an indian belly.. well.. i once read this indian book about their women.. they say that there must be fleshy rolls of meat around the belly to flaunt when one slips into a saree.. which means to say.. chunky midriffs are the in thing for indian women.. AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH~~

biggest joke ever.. hahaha.. back to where i was.. so i tried on about 3 shirts and cursed myself for getting tight ones.. hahaha.. i found one eventually.. that disguised whatever i had to hide with optical illusion.. hahaha.. thank god..

well.. i shall try my very best to lose this jub jub.. or keep it for awhile.. whatever.. come what may..

till next post darlingzz..

XoXo

I Love this SONG!!

I'll be the same when it all goes up, I'll be the same when it all goes down
Not the first one open it up, I'll be the last one closing it out
Don't know if I'll give you a shot yet, Lil Mama, I'm peeping your style
Do I think you're dope enough? Yup, one way of finding it out

The way you came at me, boo, don't care, not afraid, I'm like wild
Really want it from head to toe, question if she gon' let it out
Anyway the hour glass go, I don't worry anyhow
Why don't we see where it go? Let's figure it out

When the cats come out the bats come out to play, yeah
In the morning after
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way, yeah
In the morning after

When the cats come out the bats come out to play, yeah
In the morning after
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way, yeah
In the morning after dark


I got a little secret for ya, I never sleep when comes the night
But every time I smack my fingers I switch back into the light
My moon belongs to your sun, your fire is burning my mind
Is it love or is it lust? Something that I just can't describe

Am I the one and only? 'Cause you're the only one
It felt so long and lonely, waiting for you to come
It's looking bright and early, I'm willing to close my eyes
This is the unusual story, Timbo and SoShy

When the cats come out the bats come out to play, yeah
In the morning after
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way, yeah
In the morning after

When the cats come out the bats come out to play, yeah
In the morning after
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way, yeah
In the morning after dark



I need some REM but I don't like sleeping alone
So come and pick me up as soon as you put down the phone
I wanna get into trouble, later you'll carry me home
I wanna go undercover, I just wanna rattle your bones

Yes, I'm the one and only but I'm not the only one
So let's work overtime on this shift, it ends with the sun
Maybe we can start a riot, maybe we can run this town
Maybe I'll be your vampire, we could figure it out

When the cats come out the bats come out to play, yeah
In the morning after
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way, yeah
In the morning after

When the cats come out the bats come out to play, yeah
In the morning after
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way, yeah
In the morning after dark

Dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, in the morning after dark
Dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, in the morning after dark
Please don't leave me, girl, in the morning after dark
Please don't leave me, girl, in the morning after dark
Please don't leave me, girl

When the cats come out the bats come out to play
When the cats come out the bats come out to play
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way

When the cats come out the bats come out to play
The dawn is here, be gone, be on your way

A Lot Has Happened..

Hi Blog Buddy..

Manyak lama saya tidak tulis apa-apa.. saya very malas la.. hehehehehe.. anyway.. first up on life updates.. i finally got to watch AVATAR!! WOOOOHOOOOO~~ it's a must see movie people.. whatever reviews you're hearing bout hte movie.. it's true.. it aint no exagerration.. super good movie to watch.. lots of blue people running here and there with minimal clothing XD.. hahahahahahahaha.. but the storyline was awesome.. graphics was awesome.. i dont normally enjoy these kind of movies. graphics and stuff.. but this one was totally a whole new level.. very beautifully detailed.. especially the pweetty weird flowers.. but i thought the dog was a bit slimy.. lol.. soundtrack is also very nice la.. it's ~i see you - leona lewis~ very fantasy, fairy tale, pwincessy sound to it.. hehehehehe.. it was a good movie la basically..

Next Up,

I baked a chocolate fudge cake.. got icing all you knoww.. hehehehehe.. bodoh.. i tried it today.. but ah.. tasted a bit crappy.. i think the flour didnt rise properly.. but ah.. i used selfraising flour.. aiyoo.. and i bloody double boiled the stuff they asked and all.. it was all so perfect! but.. so not.. i guess... sigh.. try again la.. some day.. *broken cake heart*

And then.........

i love today.. hehehehehehehe.. it's a nice day.. happy 2nd month babe :) you rock my sock.. now and always *huggles* i wrote my last note watching american idol and e!news.. just an FYI.. hehehehehehe.. i hope you dont get bored reading them.. but i know.. you like the ribbon right?

till next post people~~

XoXo

Rain Makes Me Emo..

franny and mr sheffield-the proposal ;)

ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha...

well people for starters..

it's been raining donkeys and horses here non-stop..

from sore throat now i have upgraded to a nice bubbly flu.. and when i mean bubbly, i mean BUBBLY.. hehehehehe.. i sound like the nanny.. well.. i have my mr sheffield so it's all good.. AHHHAAA~~(nanny style)

hahahaha.. life has been pretty miserable for awhile but it has taken a 360 degree turn now and everything is fine.. fiiinee... ffffiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee... hahahahaha.. last time i had so many things to blog about.. now i dunno.. im just typing crap.. lol.. but typing crap is fun..

i think what im lacking is inspiration.. i havent written.. like you know write write.. in a very super long time.. well.. come what may :)

i wanna watch avatar... and drink some hot soup.. and play in the rain.. and ride a pony.. please?

Manly Voiced Me..

Grrrrrrrrrrr.. this sucks.. i sound like a man.. no no.. i sound like a dinosaur.. HAH.. i got it.. i sound like a manly dinosaur.. goodness gracious me.. im having a sore throat from hell and it's probably due to an overdose of cookies.. and the unpredictable weather.. lemme give you an insight of what im feeling right now..

picture this..

it feels like:

someone shoved in two fingers down your throat and started scraping the insides with sandpaper that was laced with curry powder..

it also feels like:

my thorax came out and decided to start rolling around a really sandy and white hot beach for a holiday ..

another description?

in the middle of drinking something which i thought was water, i realise that it's actually turpentine and it's kind of barbecueing my throat..

well.. that's just how im feeling right now.. i wish i could get that sexy tone that women get when they get sick.. but nooooooooooooo.. i get stuck with this really manly voice that sounds like shrek in a tutu..

this few days ah.. really messed up la.. something wrong with my star maybe.. i should start subscribing to daily horoscope readings.. that way at least i'll be ready for this kinda crap.. urghh.. and i didnt get my dose of ~easy cure aid~ today :(

circumstances.. circumstances.. circus.. hahaha.. i dunno why i said circus..

Anyway.. may this sore throat be gone for it is too much to bear.. i am currently feeding on strepsils.. and it's not really helping.. extra strong lagi.. pure horsecrap.. :(

till next post..

XoXo

I Am Such A RETARD!!

~the cookies~

well.. for starters, everything is back to normal.. im so super happy i cant even think straight anymore.. hahehahehaheha.. baked chocolate chip cookies today.. lol.. chewy and chocolaty and kinda yummy.. even if i do say so myself.. hahahaha.. i are leading the life of a drama queen.. and i cant seem to hold myself together.. haha.. i get freaked out at everything.. sigh.. i hope i didn't scare you.. but seriously that was scary la... hahahaha.. i suffer from panic attacks all the friggin time.. bear with me la.. hahahahaha.. im so sorry.. well.. today is gonna be another boring day i guesss..

Yesterday was fun.. i guess nowadays since im home a lot and mom is free we have special bonding time.. hehehe.. send guhan for tuition and we have our girl's night out escapades.. i had so much fun playing around with the make up testers at The Body Shop.. my favourite part was the shimmery cranberry scented lotion and the extra shimmery mascara.. hehe.. i coloured my eyelashes with two different shades.. hehehe.. i looked like a christmas tree :)

Wonder what the world has waiting for me today..

*munchs on cookie*

XoXo

Shitty Weekend..

I guess everything was going in all the opposite directions this weekend.. it started out badly.. and no doubt it ended up badly also.. i was so close to losing my life over a really small slip of tongue.. i have my life at stake.. and im not getting my share of attention! hmph.. im being very unreasonable.. but never mind.. im young.. i dont have to be reasonable right now.. i just want to throw a tantrum like a stuck up, spoilt brat..

Ok.. the incident over.. whatever la.. it's cool.. and then.. how is it that technology wins over me? :( so unfair.. i wait... and wait.. and waaaiiitttt.. and waaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt.. and fine it's ok.. no need to be clingy.. so i just wait.. and when i unwait because i just cant take it anymore.. i still have to wait after that.. i mean hello.. im in this very sore and vulnerable state of mind.. and i am in needing you mode.. but it's ok.. you need your space.. thank god i have wendy.. hahahaha.. i oso dunno la..

this whole weekend.. not a single normal conversation.. texting was not like usual either.. too busy for lil ol me i guess.. hmmm.. well.. it's ok.. im fine with it.. im coolio remember? i know that there will be the 'i'll make it up to you' part.. a little patience is all i need.. aiyoooooooo.. i just want some attention!! hahahahahahahahaha.. im so crazy.. never mind.. i shall continue my waiting.. till i grow old.. and my teeth fall off... and my hair turns white.. and my skin gets all wrinkled.. and i'll just throw things around when i cant wait anymore.. im sure you'll get the message when it happens..

im just gonna sit and stare with a puppy dog face.. and hopefully things will be back to normal..

Fall, Falling, Fallen..

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

And love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

And love is all that I can give to you
Love, love, love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
'Cause love was made for me and you
I said love was made for me and you
You know that love was made for me and you

we read the novels with 'fabio' on the cover.. embracing the maiden of his dreams.. lost in a world that only the two entwined souls live in.. speaking a language that only they can understand.. far far faaaar away from the real world.. well, to be honest i wasnt really a fan of these sappy lovey dovey novels.. the mere sight of the very.. erm.. passionate? covers on these not so innocent looking reads would make me blush and squirm in embaressment.. i was young.. and not so very exposed to the world of lovey doveyness.. hehehehehehehe..

well.. i hated the thought of falling in love.. because most love stories end in tragic and utter disaster.. here's one extract of one of my favourite reads that describes what i mean..

when you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound.

when a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise.

but as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely.. silent.

you would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the world..

but it's silent, and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain...

~cecilia ahern- if you could see me now~

see what i mean? it's true.. falling in love is real easy.. almost parallel to falling into an open trap.. but try falling OUT of it.. that's when the reality hits you in the face.. hahahahaha.. suddenly you look at everything that you once saw in such a bright light, with a whole new perspective that it scares you away..

Anyway, thats how life is right? unpredictable to the core.. you can't change it.. it's just written that way.. :)

But then again.. love is this really enigmatic feeling that i have yet to figure out yet.. hahahahaha.. sometimes you just feel so powerless and succumb to whatever it throws in your way.. i cherish every moment of it.. and im not letting go.. let this last for as long as it can.. i want my fairy tale ending.. and this story seems to be going on fine.. better than fine.. its purrfect.. hehehehe..

i know.. i sound like a really confused lunatic.. but thats just the way of love..

And i admit.. im a victim.. of the ~fall, falling, fallen~ syndrome..

till next post :)

XoXo

Ice Cream Kisses..

I guess nothing much is actually happening in my life right now.. since i am now on the post exam so called 'holiday' basically im doing nothing.. haha.. i mean before the exams.. i had all these ideas of what im gonna do after spm.. want to work la.. want to do this la.. that la.. PUIIIII.. hahaha.. im walking around the house.. watching tv.. sleeping.. oh.. and enjoying ice cream kisses.. hehehe..

Im in desperate need of good music.. but i so malas la to download.. my limewire giving problem.. and plus.. i dunno what to download oso.. like not nice only the songs now.. i started my driving stuff already.. and im having my test tomoro.. computer test.. aiyooo.. god knows how im gonna answer.. not yet study.. it's like.. i've forgotten how to study.. haha.. no la.. thats an exaggeration..

Im so hungry right now.. so i think im gonna eat.. like duh.. hahaha.. till next post..

food for thought: If you never say it, you'll never get what you want.. hahahaha..

To The Best Feline There Ever Was..

Pumpkin came to us at just the rigth time.. grandma just passed away and we were all really not ourselves.. and so we adopted pumpkin.. she was like a breath of fresh air to the house.. to my family.. spirits were lifted and it felt like we had a baby all over again in the house.. we had a really good reason to rush home after school because she would be the first one to say..

~HEY RETARDS! how was your day? now come pamper me..~

well, yeap.. thats pumpkin for you ladies and gentlemen.. hyper 24/7.. very emotional.. curious as any c at should be and extremely tiny.. she sleeps on her back with her hands and legs in the air.. her tail gets all bushy and looks really stupid when she gets tensed.. she was mum's real soothing agent.. it's weird coz mum hates cats.. but pumpkin was her favourite thing around the house.. the cat became the chosen one among me, guhan and well... pumpkin.. :P

this cat.. loves her sleep.. she sleeps only in designated places only..

1. the couch

2. on the stack of scatter cushions

3. on the computer chair

4. on dad's study table

5.on everbody's bed

6. in the laundry basket

7. in my clothes cupboard

referring to number 7.. hahaha.. well this happened a few days ago actually.. i was unpacking my clothes and trying on all the new stuff i got.. so i forgot that this orange fuzzball had invited herself into my room for the fashion show.. i had my cupboard door open and as i finished up my twirling in the mirror session, i closed the cupboard and went to sleep.. in storm a very distressed mother screaming.. "WHERE'S PUMPKIN??" and i was like i dunno.. i htink she went out.. a search party was launched.. full fledged investigation.. torch lights and all.. we couldnt hear her bell.. damn this is serious.. so we returned back to bed.. hoping that she'd be here in the morning. but no.. mum kept on looking.. i went to sleep again.. then sudden;ly without knowing why.. i jumped up and opened the stupid cupboard.. and there was pumpkin.. a very sleepy pumpkin.. a very sleepy annoyed pumpkin who was like..

~hey, hey.. turn off the lights.. your interupting the kitty's beauty sleep..~

again.. that's just pumpkin for you.. she really was an antidepressant.. now we all just dont know what to do.. there goes our special furry entertainer.. it all happened so fast o can hardly believe it HAS happened.. still so young.. i even had hopes of bringing her to my house after i got married.. haha.. she lived a good life.. well loved by her owners.. well fed.. well mollycoddled.. well pampered.. well trained.. she'll be great in heaven.. she was and always will be Pwincess Pumpkin.. Queen of the house.. i miss you pumpkin.. normally you would be right next to the laptop when im using it coz you like the heat radiated from it.. silly pumpkin.. i think even the dogs are gonna misss you.. you left so quickly so i guess you didnt have to suffer long.. you will be missed dearly by mum and dad.. you were their little baby.. sneeking under the comforter till your head lies neatly between the both of them when its bed time.. your various antiques will forever humour us.. take care kitty cat.. your on your own now.. but then again.. WE are on our own now..

R.I.P

Pumpkin

October2009-Januray 3rd 2010

~MEOW~

You my Boo =)

We get along like mascara and water,

A sandwich combo of tuna and peanut butter,

I'm always wrong and you're never right,

Whenever we talk it ends with a fight,

Your awful jokes put me to sleep,

My sweet singing makes your right ear bleed,

Remember that time i punched your nose?

You sprayed me down with the garden hose,

When i scream you hide under the pillow,

When you get pissed you add salt to my milo,

If you were winter than i'd be summer,

If i were ice than you'd be fire,

We are the definition of 'opposite attract',

It's no longer a phrase but a proven fact,

I know i'm not good enough for your mother,

But if i have babies only you can be their father,

A dysfunctional pair we are it's true,

Still i can't wait to say 'i do',

Please just let me grow old with you,

i promise to love you till my toenails turn blue.

~~i wrote this a super duper long time ago for no reason in particular.. hahaha.. just me being random resh.. hehehehe.. it's not affiliated or directed to any parties in the real world.. just a disclaimer.. more craziness ahead dearies :P happy new year!