Lost.....

got a text from wendy.. well she's been accepted to some uni in perth.. everyone around me one by one are going places.. leaving the old nest.. spreading their wings.. embarking on the next part of life.. im afraid.. insecure.. lost.. confused.. somewhat helpless.. clueless.. useless.. i dunno what i want to do.. and im not sure how to.. i've been looking so many things up on the net.. but im still not sure.. am i doing it just for the sake of not being left behind or do i really want this? in this whole 5 years of secondary life i just assumed that i would know what i wanted when the time came.. thats what everyone told me.. and i believed that.. honestly.. here i am.. typing frantically about not knowing what to do.. to say that im just lazing around is not completely true.. im doing my research and all.. but it all seems so pointless.. what use is it all if i have no actual direction or target to begin with?

im afraid.. because my excuse now is that im waiting for my SPM results.. but then again.. i dont think i did quite a good job there either.. im even afraid for english dammit.. seriously.. you know.. being idle and not doing anything kinda gives you a lot of free thinking time.. and i cant even count the number of times i've broken down in the midst of all this thinking.. tears aint gonna change nothing.. but it helps anyway.. i know that mom and dad are having rather high hopes on what im going to get.. hopefully i get to score.. i need to.. but i dont think it's gonna happen.. i mean.. the agony is eating me up alive.. i wanna say "lets get it over and done with" but i dont.. i wish we could just take the exam and not repeat it.. i know i wont hear the end of it if i flunk big time.. :'(

help......

X0X0

tears tears..