My Shopping List..

Shop Guy: Yellow ma'am, hau can i yassist you twodayy?

Me: Hey, erm.. i need to get some stuff kay...

Shop Guy: Shure shure ma'am, yanything you vant wokay?

Me: I need some time, some freedom, some fun and a life..

Shop Guy: Can you please rrrepeat your order ma'am?

Me: Retard, i need some TIME, FREEDOM, FUN and a LIFE.. got that?

Shop Guy: Wokay wokay, let me check in the storage for your weird orders..

Me: *grunt*

Shop Guy: Im sorry dearr, but we only have deep shit, a few bags of stress, loads of 'no time' pills annnd   sorry, but we dont have life either.. you can get all of these at half price.. ma'am.. tak it or leave it yarr..

Me: Over my dead body you retard...

Shop Guy: Owh ma'am thousand apologies, you dont get them at half price.. you get it for FREE... It comes with your programme yar.. enjoy the bags of stress, they're my favorrite (genuinely excited)

Me: *crawls into grave*